Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
