he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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