I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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