I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
