It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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