I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
