i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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