**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
