I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
