right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
