Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
