I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
