Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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