I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger