we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished