i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
