need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.