i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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