I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
