maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
