She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
