Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
