She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
