During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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