I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
