Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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