I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
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the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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