She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
