I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
