So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
