We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
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i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
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I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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