After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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