so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
