I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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