So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
