Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
