the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
