the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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