Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
