Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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