He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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