Pappa wants mamma naked
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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