If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
