THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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