i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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