I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
