Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
