Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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