She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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