So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you never un-have a 4some
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
