Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
