I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
