whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
