guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
