He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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