Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
