I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
two words: eviction party
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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