Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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