We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
