Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
