It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I supernannyed him into submission
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
