if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
