hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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