she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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