just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
