Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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