What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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