Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
