There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize
