Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
