Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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