Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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