I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
