Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
