I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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