Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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