Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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