did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
