Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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