connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
