I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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