when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
