her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
