You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
