i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
