If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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